Funny Sayings and Quotes

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.- Albert Einstein

Golf is a good walk spoiled.- Mark Twain

I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.- George Carlin

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.- Robin Williams

A difference of tastes in jokes is a great strain on the affections.- George Eliot

I am short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.- Woody Allen

Sex was the most fun I ever had without laughing.- Woody Allen

We need an energy bill that encourages consumption.- George Bush

A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the word you first thought of.- Burt Bacharach

No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.- Abraham Lincoln

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.- Harry S. Truman

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.- Mark Twain

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.- George Burns

I am an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.- Gabor

ARCHITECT is One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.- Ambrose Bierce